Baby mama drama
Before I met Derrick I dated this guy who loved to debate me on just about everything. One of the topics we talked about often was baby mama/daddy drama. At the time I thought it was kind of funny that we would talk about this issue considering neither one of us had children. He’d take the side of his male friends who were single fathers getting drama from their children’s mothers, and I’d take the side of my girlfriends who were single mothers having problems with their children’s fathers. He’d tell me how some of his friends wanted to be more involved in their children’s lives but were prevented because the mothers wouldn’t allow it or would make problems. I, on the other hand, had a hard time believing that and would often defend the mothers because I was sure that like in many of my friend’s cases it was the men who weren’t doing their parts and were the catalyst for most of the aggravation. Some of the fathers of my friend’s children were not paying child support, not spending quality time with their kids and if they were picking them up for visitation, they were promptly dropping them off at their mama’s house. In any case, I definitely wasn’t seeing the male side that my friend was trying to get me to see. I was a staunch defender of the women’s team and was sure I could never be swayed. Until life showed me that I could...
Fast forward to today and I’m in a relationship with a good man, who loves his son and puts him first. He pays his child support, never misses a visitation, buys his son clothes and shoes and toys (oh the toys), takes his son on fun outings, photographs and videotapes just about every move his son makes, ensures his son has a close relationship with his cousins and paternal side of the family, actively communicates with his son’s teachers, ensures his son has a positive and loving female adult in his life (namely me), and overall just spoils the child silly. He does this all the while making every attempt to remain cordial with his ex, who STILL dishes out baby mama drama whenever she can!
If she’s not around to control the situation, she gets mad. Mad that he doesn’t seek her permission for everything that has to do with their son. Mad that he would have the nerve to talk to their son’s teachers to check on his progress without her knowledge. Mad that he helps their son with his homework (I mean really, what parent wouldn’t do this?!). And most notably, mad that he would dare be a father to his own child!!!
The woman has remarried, had another child, and has made it clear both in writing and by her actions that her new life is all that her son needs. His father be damned.
Ain’t that a blip?!
I haven’t spoken to a single mother who could find fault with the way this man loves and takes care of his child. Most of them wish their children had this kind of relationship with their fathers, and here’s a woman who instead of nurturing this relationship is doing everything she can to harm this bond between father and son.
I’ve now concluded that my original thinking on the subject was a bit naïve. Life lessons have taught me that, yes, there are fathers who don’t do their part, but there are also mothers who don’t do theirs and will try to sabotage relationships between children and their fathers even when the fathers are doing the right thing. I can only theorize that the drama comes from spite, bitterness, unhappiness, and maybe even a bit of regret in the decisions and choices they have made in their life. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is what’s happening in my situation. But, I could be wrong. Lord knows I’ve been wrong before. But, if I am wrong, what else could it be?
Fast forward to today and I’m in a relationship with a good man, who loves his son and puts him first. He pays his child support, never misses a visitation, buys his son clothes and shoes and toys (oh the toys), takes his son on fun outings, photographs and videotapes just about every move his son makes, ensures his son has a close relationship with his cousins and paternal side of the family, actively communicates with his son’s teachers, ensures his son has a positive and loving female adult in his life (namely me), and overall just spoils the child silly. He does this all the while making every attempt to remain cordial with his ex, who STILL dishes out baby mama drama whenever she can!
If she’s not around to control the situation, she gets mad. Mad that he doesn’t seek her permission for everything that has to do with their son. Mad that he would have the nerve to talk to their son’s teachers to check on his progress without her knowledge. Mad that he helps their son with his homework (I mean really, what parent wouldn’t do this?!). And most notably, mad that he would dare be a father to his own child!!!
The woman has remarried, had another child, and has made it clear both in writing and by her actions that her new life is all that her son needs. His father be damned.
Ain’t that a blip?!
I haven’t spoken to a single mother who could find fault with the way this man loves and takes care of his child. Most of them wish their children had this kind of relationship with their fathers, and here’s a woman who instead of nurturing this relationship is doing everything she can to harm this bond between father and son.
I’ve now concluded that my original thinking on the subject was a bit naïve. Life lessons have taught me that, yes, there are fathers who don’t do their part, but there are also mothers who don’t do theirs and will try to sabotage relationships between children and their fathers even when the fathers are doing the right thing. I can only theorize that the drama comes from spite, bitterness, unhappiness, and maybe even a bit of regret in the decisions and choices they have made in their life. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is what’s happening in my situation. But, I could be wrong. Lord knows I’ve been wrong before. But, if I am wrong, what else could it be?
posted by Charlie Mack's Granddaughter at Tuesday, October 31, 2006
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