My approach to DIY home renovations

Painting the Bathroom

1. Think about wanting to paint the bathroom
Duration: several weeks
2. Talk about wanting to paint the bathroom
Duration: several more weeks
3. Go to Home Depot or Lowes and purchase paint and paint supplies
Duration: one day
4. Think about using the paint and painting supplies to paint the bathroom
Duration: several weeks
5. Begin cleaning and spackling the bathroom walls to prepare for painting
Duration: one week
6. Paint the bathroom
Duration: after several days of painting, project still incomplete

Hanging Pictures in the Dining Room

1. Think about hanging pictures in the dining room
Duration: several weeks
2. Talk about hanging pictures in the dining room
Duration: several more weeks
3. Go to Burlington Coat Factory to purchase 3 pieces of wall art
Duration: one day
4. Go to Target to purchase laser level
Duration: one day
5. Read instructions for using the laser level
Duration: one day
6. Hang wall art
Duration: after several days of trying to hang the wall art using the UTTERLY USELESS laser level, project is still incomplete

Installing Flooring in Bathrooms

1. Think about installing new flooring in the bathrooms
Duration: several weeks
2. Talk about installing new flooring in the bathrooms
Duration: several more weeks

See a pattern?

3. Use tape measure to measure bathroom floors
Duration: a couple of minutes for each floor
4. Go to Home Depot or Lowes to browse flooring options but forget measurements and end up not being able to order a damn thing
Duration:...

FUCK THIS! I'M CALLING A CARPENTER!